149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (2024)

ADVERTIsem*nT

Remember the moviePolice Academy? If yes, you can just skip right to our selection of police jokes because you already know what to expect from them! If not, keep on reading, and we’ll tell you all about it.

First off, these cop jokes aren’t a sort of mockery - this has been done many times before, and we’re not willing to continue with the tradition. Instead, these police officer jokes are mainly based on situational comedy because, let’s admit it - being a law enforcement professional gets you into predicaments unmatched by any other occupation. And this will be the basis of our funny jokes about police. Well, okay, maybe a couple of police dad jokes about doughnuts, but that’s it, you have our promise. Next to these sorts of funny cop jokes, there are also jokesforpolice officers - something they might find relatable or painfully true.

So, our selection of police officer jokes begins with just a scroll down below - you should definitely check them out. Once you’re done reading, be sure to give thebest jokesyour vote! And after that, you might want to share these cop jokes with your friends, too.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (1) "A police officer pulled me over and said, "Papers?" I said, "Scissors, I win," and drove off. He must have wanted a rematch because he has been chasing me for 45 minutes."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

16points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (2)

POST

juahwiud uawyd

juahwiud uawyd

Community Member

Follow

12 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017
  • Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report

No funny geta a life

Vote comment up

3points

Vote comment down

reply

View More Replies...

View more commentsArrow down menu

#2

My wife put on a sexy officer outfit and arrested me on suspicion of being good in bed. After a short trial, I was found not guilty.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

15points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (4)

POST

OMAR E ALHATTAB

OMAR E ALHATTAB

Community Member

Follow

3 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

Vote comment up

0points

Vote comment down

reply

View more commentsArrow down menu

#3

Police Officer: "I'm arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia."

Man: "Wait I can explain everything."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

14points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (6)

POST

How To Talk Like A Police Person—Most Commonly Used Police Phrases

Always wanted to speak the language of law enforcement without actually becoming a police person? It’s no funny police joke to do so! However, you’re very much in luck, for we have rounded up some of the most commonly used police sayings and have deciphered them for you. Here they are:

The bag” or “back in the bag.” While it might sound a bit ominous, the bag simply refers to the police officer’s uniform. Back in the bag here means that an officer is back to working in their uniform after spending some time working in civil attire.

ADVERTIsem*nT

Light up.” Nope, this one isn’t about cheering up but rather about lighting up the emergency lights in order to stop someone.

FIDO. FIDO refers to an unusual situation that might require quite a bit of additional paperwork. If the officers decide not to investigate it any further, they just FIDO or F*** It, Drive On.

Buzzer.” Buzzer is in reference to the police badge, and flashing it is, respectively, buzzing.

Cherry patch.” A cherry patch might be a section of any road where drivers often violate street signs or speed. Since there will always be a huge number of tickets to write in such a place, it’s called a cherry patch.

Feeling a bit like an insider now? Good! But you know what’s better? The cop jokes we still have in store for you on this list.

#4

What does a police officer and a DJ have in common?

They both tell drunk people to put their hands up.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

14points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (7)

POST

juahwiud uawyd

juahwiud uawyd

Community Member

Follow

12 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017
  • Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report

Lmao

Vote comment up

2points

Vote comment down

reply

#5

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (9) Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

Me: “You were bored and wanted some company?”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

14points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (10)

POST

#6

A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"

"For drinking." replies the officer.

"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

13points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (11)

POST

ADVERTIsem*nT

Most Commonly Used Slang Words To Describe Police

Let’s reverse the tables here or “turntables,” as one ingenious character from The Office once said, and look at the most often used slang words to describe law enforcement and police officers. Ready or not, here comes the most often-used police-related lingo:

Five-O. This is an American slang term for police, which is derived from the TV series Hawaii Five-O, which ran from 1968 to 1980. Although it’s a made-up term, it definitely stuck!

As for funny names to call police officers and police puns, the choices are really incredible here. We have alphabet, barney, beatsman (this one’s pretty archaic, though), bizzie, bluecoat, blue heeler, po-po, old bill, officer friendly… Really, there aren’t names by which police officers have not been called already! However, we’re happy to learn most of them are pretty happy names and not something derogatory.

And now that you know both the police lingo and the most common slang names for police, it might be the time to continue checking out our extreme funny police humor bits. Chances are, they’ll ring differently when you have the knowledge and when next time someone asks you to tell me a joke about police officers, you’ll definitely know all the best ones.

#7

Officer: “How high are you?”

Driver: “No, officer, it’s 'Hi, how are you?'”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

13points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (12)

POST

ADVERTIsem*nT

#8

Police Officer: "You're driving on the wrong side of the road."

Driver: "Sorry, I'm English."

Police officer: (shouting) "Oii! It's the rong soid of the roade ye was droivin down, innit?"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

12points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (13)

POST

Allison Trumbull

Allison Trumbull

Community Member

Follow

6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017
  • Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report

I'm laughing real hard right now

Vote comment up

0points

Vote comment down

reply

View more commentsArrow down menu

ADVERTIsem*nT

#9

An officer observes a woman standing in the middle of the street.

He approaches her and asks, “Are you OK?”

The woman replies, “Yes, but how do I get to the hospital?”

The officer says, “Just keep standing there.”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

12points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (15)

POST

#10

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (16) Man got pulled over and his vape was in his cup holder.

The officer said: "You know, the news says those things are killing people."

Man chuckled and said: "They're saying the same thing about you guys."

"He didn't laugh."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

11points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (17)

POST

#11

Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving together, but they get stopped by a police officer.

The officer asks, "Did you know you were driving at 75 mph?"

Heisenberg sighs, "Oh great, now we're lost."

The officer is unhappy, and checks the car's trunk. He asks, "And why is there a dead cat in here?"

Schroedinger grumbles, "Well there is NOW!"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

11points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (18)

POST

ADVERTIsem*nT

#12

Police officer: "So I'm writing you a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane."

Me: "You're going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

11points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (19)

POST

#13

"So a police officer knocked on my door this morning. He asked, 'Sir we believe your dog has been chasing a boy up the road on his bike.' I replied, 'Sorry officer, you must have the wrong house. My dog doesn't own a bike.'"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

11points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (20)

POST

#14

What's the difference between a computer and a police officer?

One has troubleshooting.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

11points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (21)

POST

OMAR E ALHATTAB

OMAR E ALHATTAB

Community Member

Follow

3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017
  • Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report

FR

Vote comment up

3points

Vote comment down

reply

View more commentsArrow down menu

#15

Tourist: “Are you a policeman?”

Officer: “No, I am an undercover detective.”

Tourist: “So, why are you in uniform?”

Officer: “Today is my day off.”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

11points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (23)

POST

#16

"Police are usually shocked that I have a record. But I love their greatest hits!"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

11points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (24)

POST

ADVERTIsem*nT

#17

"I got a call from the police station saying they want to interview me. Funny… I don’t remember applying for a job there."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

11points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (25)

POST

#18

What sound does a Nintendo police car make?

Wii-U Wii-U Wii-U.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

11points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (26)

POST

#19

Why did the police officer arrest the skeleton?

They could see the joint in his hand.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

11points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (27)

POST

#20

A police officer is driving down the freeway when he looks over and spots a granny knitting whilst balancing the steering wheel with her knees. He pulls alongside the granny, and angrily shouts "Pull over!" The granny shouts back, "No, it's a scarf"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

10points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (28)

POST

#21

Officer: “Why did you park here?”

Me: “The sign says, 'Fine for parking.'”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

10points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (29)

POST

#22

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (30) Why did the sheriff lock up her boyfriend?

He stole her heart.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

10points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (31)

POST

#23

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (32) There’s a man in the town who’s stealing the wheels of police cars. The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

10points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (33)

POST

#24

Police officer to perp: “Where do you live?”

Perp: “With my parents.”

Police officer: “Where do your parents live?”

Perp: “With me.”

Police officer: “Where do you all live?”

Perp: “Together.”

Police officer: “Where is your house?”

Perp: “Next to my neighbor’s house.”

Police officer: “Where is your neighbor’s house.”

Perp: “If I tell you, would you believe me?”

Police officer: “Tell me.”

Perp: “Next to my house.”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

10points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (34)

POST

#25

"The police said they’d arrest me if I kept telling bad jokes. I stopped because I was scared I would end up in punitentiary."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

10points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (35)

POST

#26

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.

A police officer pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk."

The wasted man asked, "Officer, are you absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the police officer, "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

9points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (36)

POST

#27

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (37) "If I was a police officer I would be ticketing people for not using their turn signals... left and right."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

9points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (38)

POST

#28

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (39) "Your eyes look red." said the police officer. "Have you been smoking weed?"

"Your eyes look glazed." I replied. "Have you been eating donuts?"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

9points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (40)

POST

#29

"I got stopped by a police officer with Alzheimer's. He walks up to my window and says, 'Do I know why I pulled you over?'"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

9points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (41)

POST

#30

Why did the officer give the ghost a ticket?

It didn’t have a haunting license.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

9points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (42)

POST

#31

What are the four food groups for officers?

Jelly, powdered, glazed, and chocolate frosted.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

9points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (43)

POST

#32

Why did the coffee call 911?

It was mugged.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

9points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (44)

POST

#33

Who works in tandem with the grammar police?

Corrections officers.

Report

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (45)

POST

#34

What is a police officer’s favorite type of tag?

Freeze tag.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

9points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (46)

POST

#35

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (47) What did the policeman say to the snowman?

Freeze!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

9points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (48)

POST

#36

A man in an interrogation room says I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present.

Police: "You are the lawyer."

Lawyer: "Exactly, so where's my present?"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

8points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (49)

POST

#37

Police officer 1: "This murder seems racially motivated."

Police officer 2: "Hate crime?"

Police officer 1: "Of course I hate crime. That's why I'm a officer."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

8points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (50)

POST

#38

The perfect crime was committed last night. Someone broke into the police station and stole all the toilets. Police say they have nothing to go on.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

8points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (51)

POST

#39

What do you call a female police officer playing guitar?

She-riff.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

8points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (52)

POST

#40

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (53) An officer comes across a man who is clearly under the influence.

He says to the man, “We’re going to have to give you a drug test.”

Without hesitation, the man replies, “Cool, which drugs are we testing?”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

8points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (54)

POST

#41

Why did the police raid the pet shop?

They were looking for the cat burglar!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

8points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (55)

POST

#42

Why were the police at the beach?

They suspected a crime wave!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

8points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (56)

POST

#43

Why was the artist upset?

They were being framed for murder!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

8points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (57)

POST

#44

How did the hacker get away from the police?

He ransomware.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

8points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (58)

POST

#45

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (59) "A mime in my town was arrested by the police after he broke his left hand in a bar fight. He still... has the right to remain silent."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

8points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (60)

POST

#46

Police responded to a reported burglary at Tesla’s robotics lab. It was an Optimus crime.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

8points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (61)

POST

#47

A police man stops a miner for speeding on the highway.

Police man: "Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?"

Miner: "Mine."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (62)

POST

#48

My brother was murdered today.

Officer: "Do you mind identifying the body, I have to warn you the body was hacked up."

Me: "Yes that's my brother Reese."

Officer: "You're sure?"

Me: "Those are Reese's Pieces."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (63)

POST

#49

A blonde accidentally kills a police officer and calls the police:

"Hello, is this 911?"

"Yes, what is your emergency?"

"I called to inform you that you're 910 now."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (64)

POST

#50

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (65) "The other day I got pulled over by a police offcer. When he walked up, I pulled out my 9mm... once he stopped laughing, he wrote me up for indecent exposure..."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (66)

POST

#51

An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.

He says: "Have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The officer replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (67)

POST

#52

Man got pulled over in the carpool lane.

Police officer: "Where's your passenger?"

Man: "Due to social distancing they're in the car behind me."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (68)

POST

#53

A police officer pulled over a spanish photon.

The police officer asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The photon said, "C."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (69)

POST

#54

"I used to work as a bed salesman. One day this guy came in and started climbing into the beds and asking really specific questions. Then it hit me, he was an undercover police officer."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (70)

POST

#55

A college professor is driving home drunk one Saturday night. When he gets pulled over. The police officer comes up to his window and asks him:

"Excuse me sir, you were speeding, you ran a red light and you appear to be drunk, where are you going?"

The professor replies: "I am currently on my way to a lecture concerning the dangers of drinking, smoking and staying up late."

The police officer says: "Who could possibly be giving that kind of lecture at this time?"

The professor responds: "My wife."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (71)

POST

#56

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (72) "A police officer looked at my driver's license and said I should be wearing glasses, so I told him I had contacts. But he didn't care who I knew and he gave me a ticket anyway."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (73)

POST

#57

What do you call a police officer that doesn't get out of bed?

An under cover officer.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (74)

POST

#58

A man is taking his son to buy his first car. The son spots an old, used police officer car at one of the lots. "Dad! I want that! It would be so cool! Can I test drive the officer car?" The father replies: "No, son. I want your car to have working turn signals and an accurate speedometer."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (75)

POST

#59

A women gets pulled over. Attempting to get out of a ticket, she tries, as the police officer is walking to her car, to try flirting. "Hi," she says seductively. "Hi," he replies. "I thought you didn't give pretty ladies tickets?" She pouts. "You're right, we don't. Here's your ticket, have a nice day."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (76)

POST

#60

Guy gets pulled over by the police officer.

Police officer: "It seems you have been drinking. Could you say the alphabet starting with the letter "M"."

Guy: "No problem. Malphabet."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (77)

POST

#61

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (78) Did you hear the celery got arrested?

They charged him with stalking.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (79)

POST

#62

Police officer: “When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.”

Driver: “You’re wrong, officer. It’s only my hat that makes me look that old.”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (80)

POST

#63

I asked a rookie what he would do if he had to arrest his mother.

He said, “I’d call for backup!”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (81)

POST

#64

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Dishes.

Dishes who?

Dishes the police. Open up!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (82)

POST

#65

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (83) Why are policemen such great volleyball players?

They know how to serve and protect.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (84)

POST

#66

Police officer: “Where do you think you’re going?”

Driver: “Donut shop, officer.”

Police officer: “At 80 miles per hour?”

Driver: “I wanted to make sure I beat you there, so there would still be donuts to buy.”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (85)

POST

#67

Why couldn’t police notify the family of the murdered baker?

He was a John Dough.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (86)

POST

#68

Did you hear they arrested the Energizer bunny?

He was charged with battery.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (87)

POST

#69

Why is a traffic officer the strongest man in the world?

Because he can stop a 10-ton truck by holding up his hand!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (88)

POST

#70

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (89) Police officer: “I’m going to follow you to the nearest police station.”

Me: “What for?”

Police officer: “I’ve forgotten the way.”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (90)

POST

#71

"A week after my wife went missing, the police told me I should expect the worst-case scenario. So I went back to the charity shop and retrieved all her old clothes."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (91)

POST

#72

Police officer to perp: “Did you kill this man?”

Perp: “No, he died of natural causes.”

Police officer: “He was shot!”

Perp: “Right — a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. So, he died of natural causes. Sheesh, I thought you were the officer here.”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (92)

POST

#73

How do police officers greet people?

Policed to meet you!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (93)

POST

#74

A state trooper pulled a farmer over on a rural road and said, “Sir, do you realize your brother fell out of the car several miles back?”

To which the farmer replied, “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (94)

POST

#75

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (95) What did the policeman say to his tummy?

"You're under a vest!"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (96)

POST

#76

Why did the police arrest the fish and chips?

A-salt and battery!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (97)

POST

See Also on Bored Panda

Mom Demands Her Whole Family Be Upgraded To First Class, Forcing 13-Year-Old To Give Up His Seat, But Gets Deplaned Instead

6 Y.O. “Realizes Something Isn’t Adding Up” With Great-Grandparents Living Wealthy On Ordinary Jobs

#77

What do you call it when a policeman is watching cows?

A steak-out!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (102)

POST

#78

Why did the policeman have a barbecue?

He was grilling the suspects!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (103)

POST

#79

How do police travel?

In a heli-cop-ter!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (104)

POST

#80

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (105) Why did the police arrest the cheetah?

For speeding!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (106)

POST

#81

Police just arrested one person for stealing batteries, and another for stealing fireworks... they charged one guy and let the other off!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (107)

POST

#82

A man was arrested yesterday for impersonating a helium balloon. The police held him for a while then let him go!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (108)

POST

#83

The police came to mans house tonight holding a picture of his wife. They said, "Is this your wife, sir?" Shocked, man answered, "Yes." They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus." Man said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (109)

POST

#84

What’s the difference between a velociraptor and a police officer?

The velociraptor can open doors.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (110)

POST

#85

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (111) A retired police officer passed away. The chief of police... made a speech at the funeral and said “May he arrest in peace”.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (112)

POST

#86

Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill today?

Because they had to go home and change first.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (113)

POST

See Also on Bored Panda

Maine Coon Cats: Giant Kitties With The Softest Character

Teen Refuses To Babysit 16 Kids, Gets Woken Up With Ice-Cold Water On Her Face The Next Morning

#87

"Someone stole my Tesla! I called the police and reported an Edison."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (118)

POST

#88

"I won an iPhone 14 in a race. The other two competitors are the owner of the phone and police officers."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

7points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (119)

POST

#89

I got pulled over by a female officer... when I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said "NOTHING".

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (120)

POST

#90

A police officer stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," he replied.

He said, "There is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (121)

POST

#91

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (122) How many Karen's does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one... to officer 911 and demand a officer come do something about the intimidating blackness.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (123)

POST

#92

Police officer pulls over bad driver.

Police officer: "Sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?"

Lady: "Sorry officer, I'm drunk."

Police officer: "That's not a valid reason to let your boyfriend drive the car."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (124)

POST

#93

Police officer: "Where were you the night of the murder?"

Crow: "I was with a group of friends."

Police officer: "What would you call that group?"

Crow: "…I want a lawyer."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (125)

POST

#94

"I saw a police officer pull over a U-Haul today... looks like he was trying to bust a move."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (126)

POST

#95

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (127) What do you call a police officer who gets convicted of murder?

A good start.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (128)

POST

#96

A man rolls through a STOP sign and a police officer pulls him over.

"I pulled you over because you failed to stop at that stop sign. You only slowed down."

"Slow down... stop... what's the difference?"

The police officer pulls the man out of his car and begins beating him with his nightstick.

"Now you tell me whether you want me to stop or slow down."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (129)

POST

See Also on Bored Panda

“Bought The Property, Landscaping Included”: Woman Shocked By Ex-Homeowner’s Request 2 Years Later

Handyman Gives Squatters Their Own Medicine After They Take Over His Mom’s House

#97

A drunk guy walks out of a bar.

There's a police officer outside who asks him, "What's your name, son?"

The drunk guys answers, "I'm Jesus Christ!"

Police officer says, "You are not Jesus Christ. What's your name?"

Drunk guy replies, "I'll prove it. Follow me." The police officer follows him back into the bar.

As they enter, the bartender yells, "Jesus Christ! Are you back again?!"

Drunk guys turns to police officer and says, "See?"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (134)

POST

#98

Man: "Why are you crying as you are writing me a ticket?"

Police officer: "It's a moving violation."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (135)

POST

#99

"So I was doing donuts in my car and a police officer pulls me over. Now I know what you're thinking, who names their dog Donuts?"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (136)

POST

#100

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (137) Me: "It's not how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up."

Police officer: "That's not how sobriety tests work."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (138)

POST

#101

A drunk is walking around downtown. When he walks up to a officer to complain that his car has been stolen.

The police officer asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"

The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."

The police officer says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."

The drunk starts to walk away when the police officer says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."

The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (139)

POST

#102

A police officer pulls over a speeder. "Do you know how fast you were going?" the officer asks. "130 km/h" the man answers. "Why were you going 30 over the limit?" the police officer asks, surprised the man admitted to speeding. "I was keeping up with traffic!" The officer looks up and down the road. "There's no other cars!" "I know" says the man, "That's how far behind I am!"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (140)

POST

#103

Why did the police officer smell so bad?

He was on duty.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (141)

POST

#104

Police officer: “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”

Driver: “Isn’t it your job to tell me?”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (142)

POST

#105

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (143) What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot?

A cellfie.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (144)

POST

#106

Why did they arrest the cap?

It was covering for the marker.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (145)

POST

See Also on Bored Panda

"As If I Had No Choice But To Move": Woman Refused To Switch Plane Seats

"We're A Movie Theater, Not A Free Babysitting Service": Karen Threatens To Sue Cinema For "Making" Her Kids Walk Home At Night

#107

Judge: “I thought I said that I never wanted to see you in here again.”

Criminal: “That’s what I kept telling the arresting officer, but he wouldn’t listen.”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (150)

POST

#108

Why did the thief wear blue gloves?

He didn’t want to be caught red-handed.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (151)

POST

#109

Man: “Can I park here?”

Police officer: “No.”

Man: “What about all these other cars?”

Police officer: “They didn’t ask!”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (152)

POST

#110

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (153) Did you hear about the criminal who stole a lamp?

He got a very light sentence.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (154)

POST

#111

When caught speeding, an airman on leave tried to talk an officer out of giving him a ticket.

He asked, “Would it make a difference if I told you I’m in the Air Force?”

The police officer replied, “Yes, but only if you were driving an airplane.”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (155)

POST

#112

On what show do police officers solve crimes committed by garden gnomes?

"Lawn & Order".

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (156)

POST

#113

Why did the NYPD show up at the Mets game?

They heard someone was stealing bases.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (157)

POST

#114

One fire truck and 20 officers show up to a call. What happened?

Dunkin Donuts burnt down.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (158)

POST

#115

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (159) Why did the cat get a ticket?

It littered.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (160)

POST

#116

A police officer gives a woman a speeding ticket and she wants to know why he didn’t give her a warning first. The officer says, “Ma’am, there are warnings posted up and down this highway. They say, 'Speed Limit 65.'”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (161)

POST

See Also on Bored Panda

30 Of The Funniest Halloween Fails That People Couldn’t Resist Sharing

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

#117

Did you hear about the two peanuts who walked through a bad neighborhood?

One was assaulted.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (166)

POST

#118

What do you call a clairvoyant who escaped from prison?

A medium at large.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (167)

POST

#119

Why did the police arrest the turkey?

They suspected fowl play.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (168)

POST

#120

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (169) A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states. Solid, liquid and gas.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (170)

POST

#121

What are riot police in Germany called?

Sour kraut control.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (171)

POST

#122

A officer caught a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font.

Before cuffing the artist, he looked at the mural and said, “Now that is bold.”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (172)

POST

#123

"The police are trying to say I assaulted a guy with a sheet of sandpaper. All I did was rough him up a bit."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (173)

POST

#124

The police caught a person erasing people’s criminal records. They said he was a real pro for a first offender.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (174)

POST

#125

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (175) Who’s the most famous lawn detective?

Sherlock Gnomes.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (176)

POST

#126

What do you say when your friend wants to hear a really cool joke about the police from you?

“Freeze!”

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (177)

POST

See Also on Bored Panda

50 Funny Bathroom Signs People Found Around The World

‘Sweet Grandma’ Librarian Turns To A Savage To Show An Entitled Mom Her Place

#127

What did the policeman say to his dinner?

"Irish stew in the name of the law!"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (182)

POST

#128

What do you call a blonde policeman?

A fair officer!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (183)

POST

#129

What kind of insects join the forces?

The po-lice!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (184)

POST

#130

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (185) Why are policemen so musical?

They're always on the beat!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (186)

POST

#131

What happened when the wig got stolen?

Police combed the area!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (187)

POST

#132

What happens when you steal a vehicle?

You get in-car-cerated!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (188)

POST

#133

Someone stole some dogs from a dog walker... the police have no leads!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (189)

POST

#134

Which police unit gets rid of flies?

The SWAT team!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (190)

POST

#135

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (191) Why did the police arrest the duvet?

They knew it was covering up something!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (192)

POST

#136

What does a frog use to keep away burglars.

A lilypad-lock!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (193)

POST

See Also on Bored Panda

“Everyone Went Dead Silent”: Family Dinner Ends In Tears After Woman Announces 7th Pregnancy

“I Find It Repulsive”: Guy Cancels Wedding After Uncovering Fiancée And Her Sister’s Secret

#137

What did the police find after dusting Chris Rocks face after the show?

Fresh Prince.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (198)

POST

#138

"I've just witnessed a police car crash into a fire engine in town. I was going to ring for an ambulance, but that could've been asking for trouble."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (199)

POST

#139

"Went to a rock festival and got arrested for selling pot to the police. It was a Sting operation."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (200)

POST

#140

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (201) Why did the police let Van Gogh?

He had an eartight alibi.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (202)

POST

#141

I don't understand why the police train up bomb dogs to work at the airport. They're all colorblind and always cut the wrong wire.

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

6points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (203)

POST

#142

Police officer on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the police officer and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The police officer chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that his organ goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

5points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (204)

POST

#143

An old couple gets pulled over and...

Lady police officer - "May I see you license and registration sir?"

Old man - "Ugh, what did she say?"

Old wife - "She needs to see you license and registration dear."

The old man hands it to the lady police officer and...

Lady police officer - "Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had."

Old man - "Ugh, what did she say?"

Old wife - "Nothing dear, she thinks she used to know you."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

5points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (205)

POST

#144

A police officer walks over to a bruised and beaten man outside of a pub. He asks the man what happened and the man tells him this; "So I walk into the pub and sit down and as I'm waiting for my drink I overhear two large women talking with a strange accent. So I ask them 'Are you two ladies from Ireland?' One of them scoffs and tells me "it's Wales." So I ask again 'are you two whales from Ireland?' And that's about all I can remember."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

5points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (206)

POST

#145

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (207) A pig with wings walks into a bar. Stunned, the bartender says: "You can't bring food in here from another restaurant! Even if you are a officer!"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

5points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (208)

POST

#146

An Australian takes a vacation in america. He's driving along in his rented car and a police officer notices him driving on the wrong side of the road. He pulls him over and says "Do you realize you're driving on the wrong side of the road!?" The Australian says "Oh I'm from Australia." The officer says "Well did you come here to die!?" "No," replies the Australian. "I came here yesterduai!"

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

5points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (209)

POST

#147

"I saw a woman once who was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She starts waving it around and a police officer saw it and shot her dead. She was waving an illegal fire arm."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

5points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (210)

POST

#148

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (211) Why did the peanut call the police?

It was a-salted-ed!

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

5points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (212)

POST

#149

Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a police officer and a politician. The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death. The politician then tells the police officer to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious. The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."

Report

Vote arrow up

Vote arrow down

4points

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (213)

POST

juahwiud uawyd

juahwiud uawyd

Community Member

Follow

12 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017
  • Round attention Svg Vector Icons : http://www.onlinewebfonts.com/icon Report

Shucks to be you bottom boy

Vote comment up

0points

Vote comment down

reply

View More Replies...

View more commentsArrow down menu

149 Police Jokes That Might Arrest You With Laughter (2024)
Top Articles
Latest Posts
Article information

Author: Neely Ledner

Last Updated:

Views: 6093

Rating: 4.1 / 5 (42 voted)

Reviews: 81% of readers found this page helpful

Author information

Name: Neely Ledner

Birthday: 1998-06-09

Address: 443 Barrows Terrace, New Jodyberg, CO 57462-5329

Phone: +2433516856029

Job: Central Legal Facilitator

Hobby: Backpacking, Jogging, Magic, Driving, Macrame, Embroidery, Foraging

Introduction: My name is Neely Ledner, I am a bright, determined, beautiful, adventurous, adventurous, spotless, calm person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.